Feeling like you’re eating all the right stuff but not getting anywhere. Here’s where your problem may lie. It’s not just about the food.
A 20 year study done at Harvard found your physical health is determined more by your relationships than the food you eat, exercise program you are on or genes you have inherited. Interesting! Which doesn’t mean drop eating well and exercising – it’s still important. Just acknowledging a third dimension, which you secretly suspected anyway.
Which brings me to who do you hang out with? Do they make you feel good and motivated or drained and sick? I liken it to catching a cold. You are more likely to catch something if you are hanging around with those who already have it.
If you want a happy, optimistic attitude about life, hang around others with this so you catch it. A great definition of a best friend, is someone who brings out the best in you.
Remember the saying birds of a feather flock together. Well, a slight twist on that is pigeons hang out in flocks but eagles soar. There will be times in life when you need to side-step the mob to readjust as you evolve and strive for the best version of you.
You have many layers – physical, mental or emotional and spiritual. So, it’s only natural we need to strategically address each of these on our pathway to the best version of ourselves.
Here’s a list of emotional energy zappers –
- Judgement of self and others
- Inner critic
Blame can turn into guilt and guilt that is not dealt with turns into shame. Learning to deal with these will fast track you to becoming a more compassionate person. When you stop judging you, you will stop judging others.
Ideally, take responsibility for your actions, then learn from them. Stop beating yourself up past the point that only breeds self-criticism. When you feed your inner critic, you start to mimic a critical parent. You begin to blow small failings into giant problems and punish yourself long and hard over an extended period of time.
Instead mobilise your inner protector and guide, to put your weaknesses and good qualities in perspective. Remember you will have many lapses and falters, we are all human & it’s how we learn. Often, we need to feel and experience something to really learn and integrate it.
Learn to silence your inner critic and look at any failings clearly by pulling out the lessons then letting it go. If you do not let go of the event, you will recycle the negative energy and land yourself in the land of ‘negative pleasure’ cycle as your comfort zone. Negative pleasure is where you are so used to feeling bad, it feels good because it’s familiar. Such as when a person constantly chooses abusive relationships.
By embracing self forgiveness you acknowledging what happened, take ownership, pull lessons from that event and let it go and move on.
This may mean having a conversation with someone and talking through how you saw it and acknowledging any mistakes or writing a letter to a person, whether you give it to them or not. This enables you to set yourself free from the event.
When you suppress guilt, it leads to shame, which festers, fostering negative energy that makes us do more of the wrong thing, by acting it out, which makes you feel more unlovable and the cycle continues. This may look like failing at a key relationship, which you now regret or losing a job you didn’t honour.
When you withhold self love, you are judging yourself and withholding self forgiveness. You have now separated from your real power, you get out of balance and repeat the same behaviour on a different topic. This draws in dark energy trying to get free of the should have, could have, would have’s. Self anger uses a lot of energy. Anger and resentment take their toll on your physical and spiritual health.
You can also fall into the pattern of parenting yourself on the same level that you had when you grew up. Such as being told you were stupid, or can’t carry a tune or couldn’t possibly be good at playing tennis because you’re left handed.
Show love and forgiveness to your inner child. Strengthen it, by reducing judgment and healing. Complimement yourself. Increase your positive moments. Be self aware. It’s OK to feel angry and resentful. Acknowledge them and then release them, not bury, hide or self judge. When we hold anger, resentment and an inability to forgive ourselves, we need to embrace self love & self forgiveness with our little flaws.
Remember perfection is highly over-rated and the cost is far too high. Laugh at your minor imperfections they make you uniquely you. From a bird’s eye view there are no mistakes, only living experiences.
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