Need to increase your sex drive or libido? – an awkward conversation for many of us. I often get a sneaky text after an appointment, by-the-way email or a throw away line in a consult. Low sex drive or libido is a dilemma that affects many women, in perimenopausal and menopausal years but anytime really.
A common question is – I’m seeing someone new & I’m needing something to help with my sex drive?
Here are 5 Secrets to Successfully Increasing Your Sex Drive or Libido (the rest is up to you):
#1 ENERGY –
If you don’t have energy….I’m talking real energy ….not a caffeine or sugar high…..then you’re on the back foot to start. Energy isn’t just in your head it’s in every cell of your body. You need energy for your biochemistry to work properly and to power your sex drive. You don’t expect your car to drive you places without any fuel.
Here are three simple ways to increase energy – being hydration (2 litres water/day), good fuel (vegetables, fruit, meat, nuts, legumes), plenty of good sleep (bed at 10pm or earlier is ideal)..
If you have trouble with fatigue & low energy….come & see me click here to book in. We’ll work out a plan that at least doubles your energy within 2 weeks naturally…..it’s so easy when you know how.
Great thing about this is it helps ‘all of you’ not just your sex drive.
Did you know women need to de-stress before sex? … whereas men are the reverse….it’s actually a stress release for them….interesting! (we’re very different creatures)
So, if you’re feeling unsafe, hypervigilant or chronically anxious it’s going affect your sex drive. You’ll need to find your triggers or change the situation. Of course caffeine, smoking and certain drugs add fuel to this mix.
I see many people with chronic anxiety that is linked to gut problems (click here to find out why), so starting from somewhere can get you making progress in the right direction.
#3 VAGINAL DRYNESS
Vaginal dryness can make the whole experience painful & not something you want to repeat sometime soon. Sure you can use a lubricant but may women have reactions or sensitivities.
Vaginal dryness can be temporary or chronic. Here are some causes –
Side effect of medication – like antidepressants, antihistamines (Telfast, Zyrtec, Polaramine, Phenergan), some asthma medication
Alcohol – can cause dehydration
Sensitivity or allergy to certain soaps, bath bombs or products used down there (tampons, pads, etc)
YOUR OPTIONS: lubricant before sex (sensitivities and reactions are common – may need to trial a few), vaginal moisturisers (Replens, YES VM or vitamin E oil, olive oil or coconut oil) applied every 3 days OR……..if low oestrogen around menopause is a problem, topical low dose oestrogen (Vagifem) twice weekly.
Good chemistry is an essential ingredient. Relationship issues can make this a problem. When you deal with the issues it is amazing how this area can change.
Having sex increases the desire for sex. So practice, practice, practice…..I’ll leave that one up to you!
There’s also a few herbs up my sleeve to get you moving in the right direction, but the foundations always need addressing at the same time.
Overwhelm can grab hold and give you a big squeeze at this time of year. I’m seeing and feeling it’s effects on many clients as well as myself.
In today’s world we are bombarded with infinite distractions, choices and responsibilities. Perfect conditions for overwhelm – where you get crazily future focused, over-thinking and fearful, letting go of where you are right now. You’re left feeling dis-empowered, disconnected and exhausted.
What happens to you – fight, flight or freeze? Or a you a mix of all 3?
“You can’t calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” – Timber Hawkeye
What can you do about overwhelm?
Overwhelm is more about how you choose to respond to the world rather than the actual events. Managing your time and energy are crucial elements and keeping a big picture perspective.
Here are symptoms of overwhelm:
Nerves are shot
Have no inner space
It’s hard to breathe
Constantly feeling stressed and tense
There’s no fun in your life
You’re feeling constant pressure
Procrastination and indecision
Awareness is essential to finding YOUR antidote to overwhelm. So many people unconsciously live in an overwhelmed, anxious and stressed state. Take the time to check in now by stepping your mind back into your body then scan from head to toe like a glass of water emptying – “how do I feel?”, “how does my body feel?”
Here’s what you can do to shift overwhelm –
Have the courage to stop what you’re doing, step back and get a big picture perspective. Do this by shutting your eyes, deep breathing and checking in with your body – how do I feel? Opt out for chill time – 15 minutes, an hour, a day or a weekend to reset.
Overwhelm is literally your head being full of complicated thoughts. Let’s aim for simplicity and spaciousness. Ask yourself, how could I make my life simpler? Brainstorm possibilities.
3. Know your priorities
What’s most important to you? What do you value? How do you want to live on a day-to-day basis? How do you want to spend your precious time and energy? The answers will give you focused flow, which will feel so much easier.
4. Value yourself
Needing to constantly produce, perform and prove can be a sign of low self-esteem. You turn yourself into a human doing to get external appreciation and approval. Are you over-doing and over-committing? Check in – why am I doing what I’m doing?
When you value yourself, you are approving and appreciating yourself from the inside out.
5. Tune into what you want to feel
Refocus your attention and intention on how you want to feel most of the time. Is it balanced, free, kind, playful? What are your words? Now aim towards living it. Aim for progress over perfection.
6. Let go or limit things
Notice where you’re spending most of your time. What’s draining your time and energy? What are you able to delegate or let go of? A good way of uncovering these things is to journal nightly to uncover your overwhelm triggers.
Paradoxically by creating more discipline in your life, you have a greater sense of inner freedom.
7. Commit to less
Are you over-committing your time and energy? Are you setting unrealistic goals? Are you a people pleaser? Is it time to say thanks but no thanks more often?
8. Re-imagine a new schedule
Ok, it’s time to create a new schedule that keeps you out of overwhelm. If your happiness and health were a priority, what would your day look like? What time would you go to bed and wake? What morning routine would you have? How would you set up your day to thrive? What self nurturing elements would you include regularly?
Overwhelm is a very uncomfortable place to live. Know that it is only a perspective shift away and you have a choice in every moment. Is it time you chose, checked in, scheduled and made time for a new way? Start somewhere and improve over time.
“Promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget, how much you have always loved to swim.” – Tyler Knott Gregson
Your brain is running your life whether you are Awake or Asleep.
Sleep isn’t a luxury and the brain has a big ‘To Do’ list to achieve during your sleeping hours.
“The brain is actually very active during sleep doing important things. It’s not just resting, and if you don’t get sleep you don’t function on a number of levels the way you should.”…says Dr. Caitlin Tynan Doyle, Professor of Neurology at Columbia University Medical Center.
Skimping on zzz’s compromises a wide range of functions including…
immunity/the risk of getting sick
weight gain & obesity
thinking and memory
anxiety and depression
and obviously fatigue and insomnia
Our whole body and brain can get thrown off kilter when our sleep is not optimal.
For 30% of the population, insomnia is a debilitating condition affecting every aspect of life.
About 50% of people lose sleep due to worrying and anxiety. We all know that feeling of something “weighing” on our mind. It can be hard to switch off and slow our train of thought to relax the brain and get to sleep.
Many employees say they actually call in sick or even doze off at work after their anxiety kept them up all night.
So what can be done?
To explain what can be done, it is important to understand that everything is a pattern in the brain.
These patterns, called “Neural Maps” determine the way we feel and think such as with Anxiety as well as our behaviours and physical functions such as in Sleep.
When anxiety is the cause of insomnia, it’s best to treat a patient for the anxiety, changing both the pattern or “Neural Map” as well as addressing the initial underlying cause of the worrying.
Even though sleep is a natural function, it can sometimes get out of balance.
Our brains produce Melatonin and Serotonin and regulate their balance.
When the sun goes down, Melatonin levels go up which makes us sleepy. When the sun comes up our brain naturally produces Serotonin which makes us feel alert and switched on.
Serotonin incidentally is our a happy hormone and is the primary element in depression medications.
Whether it’s due to irregular hours, worries, hormonal changes or other stressors in our lives, once the sleep pattern in the brain gets out of balance it needs to be reset and a new pattern of sleep established.
This can be done through clinical hypnotherapy which resets the sleep pattern and neural map in the brain.
I treat many people, both women and men, every week for sleep oriented issues.
However women are twice as likely as men to be hit by insomnia… finding it hard to get to sleep and stay asleep, every week.
The good news is, if your brain created the problem it can also be influenced to create the solution.
In hypnotherapy we reintroduce healthy sleep patterns by creating a ‘Sleep Protocol’. This is list of individualized triggers that the brain associates with going into a deep sleep.
It’s like a series of reminders that move the mind towards the brain wave pattern that occurs when we are deeply asleep. This brain wave pattern is called Delta.
There are 5 types of brain waves.
Gamma and Beta are both high brain waves associated with alertness, learning and communication.
Alpha and Theta are lower brain waves associated with relaxation and creative thinking.
Finally, Delta brain waves occur while we are in deep sleep.
Once the brain is retrained to move into Delta, normal sleep patterns are re-established.
I always make patients a digital voice recording of the hypnotherapy on their own phone. They can use this at bedtime to strengthen the sleep pattern.
I’ve had a number of patients who after successfully changing their sleep patterns, still use their recordings years later if they have had a late night and need to get to sleep quickly! It’s a great tool and is free as part of the consultation.