In relationships there are different levels of support, awareness, and growth, which in turn affect your abundance in life. This also applies to friendships.
In some relationships mediocrity is welcomed, but brilliance is not. You are adored, loved and celebrated when you are playing small. However, in your genius moments, you need to constantly dim your light to be happy in the relationship because you are standing too tall. There will be a feeling of having to choose between your relationship and your life assignment. In these relationships, it is often an unconscious response fuelled by the mindset of scarcity and lack that your partner is living in – “rein them in”, being their motto.
Relationships are really mirrors of how we are showing up in our lives. They show us our humanity towards others, our needs that must be met, and our desire to serve and give back.
You discover your level of trust in people, your willingness to release or desire to hold on tight, whether you are a good leader or a better follower or a healthy balance between both.
Relationships are here to build our muscle of compassion and understanding and also build our muscles for healthy boundaries. Do I day yes when I mean yes or yes when I feel no? Do I understand what it means to say no?
Relationships are dynamic events between two people so they help us to see where we are currently showing up in the arena of communication. Are you speaking your mind or withholding your opinions? Are you truly listening to your partner or simply waiting for your next turn to speak? Through the discovery of why you communicate in the way you do, you are able to improve your communication skill set.
Romantic relationships also provide specific and necessary functions at different times of our lives.
Here are the 3 types of relationships, and what they look like.
1. Lifetime Relationships
This one will last forever, no matter what you do. At different points in time you may grow beyond each other, but you will always balance out. It may get rocky and it may not be easy, but you were meant to be together forever. Nothing you do will separate you.
2. Life Giving Relationships
These do not last very long – one time meeting to a two year relationship. They are designed to put a spark back into you and remind you that it’s not over for you just yet.
They add a spring to your step and put you back in the game. Reminding you that you are still attractive, sexy and have still ‘got It’.
They remind us of our value and not to settle. Forcing us to get out of our head and start living in our body again. They are full of the energy, excitement and giddiness that comes from being in love. They’re intense – either in fun, passion or chaos, but sometimes the drama causes us to burn each other out.
They can be a doorway to an eventual lifetime relationship. Getting you ready to be a better partner to someone else. Often when they end, you’ll understand why these relationships needed to come into your life and why they needed to be over.
These relationships will stay in your heart forever – necessary, but finite.
3. Purposeful Relationships
This is the most common type for many people today. Ranging from a year to decades.
You and your romantic partner are tethered together, working side by side, for a specific purpose. Such as raising children, building a business together, help each other grow, to get out of a bad situation, teach you to set healthy boundaries, or teach you how to love.
These are often unconscious agendas that are aligned with the reality you are living at that moment in time.
The relationship will end when the purpose is fulfilled. Unfortunately, turmoil results when we try to turn a purposeful relationship into a lifetime one.
For this reason, purposeful relationships can cause the most turbulence and discord, hurt and frustration.
Once the purpose of the relationship is fulfilled, it changes and never goes back to the way it was. Some people spend a lifetime trying to regain that former warmth, affection and intimacy. Instead of realising it is time to move into a new season.
Your task – if you decide to move on – is to end the relationship with grace and ease, leaving your partner’s dignity intact, so you both feel honoured and served. This will take considerable strength, especially with relationships that may have lasted 10, 20 or 30 years.
To look at romantic relationships from this perspective will give you greater understanding and peace of mind. You will stop asking why certain people were in your life, stop obsessing over breakups and instead see them as completions that had run their cycle and provided you with exactly what they were supposed to provide at that time.
Overall, developing a healthier mindset about why we came together in the first place. This releases you from trying to make everyone a lifetime friend or romantic partner. And removes much of the disappointment when relationships end. Keeping you focused on the present moment – without obsessing over the outcome.
What did you do that you couldn’t have accomplished if you weren’t in that relationship? Did you get the lessons, the moments, and the memories? Did you gather all your assets and your diamonds and walk away with the best things out of that relationship? Did you leave the relationship whole and complete?
So, from this day forth, no more “we broke up” rather “we’re complete because we accomplished……..” This reframes the end of the relationship in a way that reaffirms you both. It is a completion. This will let you trust again and not project your previous experience onto your next opportunity.
I hope that has given you some food for thought. Which type of relationships do you currently have in your life?
Love to hear any comments, thoughts or insights below. Remember the juice is in the sharing.
Much love, health and happiness, Julie XX